Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Help Me Grow Out My Nails

Let me stress that I have never been successful at this. 28 years of being desirous of long, pretty hands and shapely nails and I just….can’t…do…it.

First off, I am sort of like a dirty child. I wash my hands constantly and then somehow get them dirty again. My nails always seem dirty. I wash them…they’re clean. I sit still for 30 minutes and they’re dirty. Why is this?

Secondly…I have a chip in my left front tooth. During football games or sometimes to keep myself from murdering someone in traffic, I run my fingernails through this chip and file down one whole side of a nail, forcing me to file the other side off. Yes, I am 28.

Third, I have hangnails and I mess with them until it nearly looks like God put my nail on crookedly.

Fourth, once I bite one nail down, it takes all of 3 minutes to get rid of his nine friends. It’s just how it works.

So I am trying again, this time, with your assistance. I bought some cuticle oil, a white pencil to whiten the tips and a fingernail file that won’t wear down. Deep breath. Here we go. Above, you will see a picture of my hand as it is now. I will keep you updated.

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