Sad but with toys

Okay...this is probably completely uninteresting to most. But, I found the line that I was discussing in a previous blog in my review of "Songs Without Words."

Liz, who is the mother of the teen who attempts the ultimate act of desperation, is reflecting on a friendship that she had with a mother of three children, one of which was a newborn. The new mother is sensitive to the hardships of older children when younger siblings are introduced into the home. She remembers the woman asking friends to please not send gifts to her older children, because the oldest, when the second child was born had received various offerings which were really "just an unsuccessful distraction, making this sad little girl sad but with toys."

Liz rambles on for a few more paragraphs in her distraught state of misery following her daughter's suicide attempt. She contemplates the actions to take with her daughter who is now home from the hospital and she maneuvers through random thoughts about her day and what she does and similarly does not feel like doing. To put it simply, she is moving methodically through her day with no real goal in mind. She has reached a numb sort of misery at this point.

Soon after this, she recalls that "Right after New Year's she'd ordered some luxurious new sheets from a catalog having a white sale: pale yellow Egyptian cotton, 420 thread count. She was sad but with bed linens."

This may seem to be hokey or even rather simple to some. But to me, sometimes it's the smallest things that reach down and pull you up. I loved these paragraphs. I know that there are people out there who have invented airplanes and all and that in comparison, well, this is pretty small. But wow...it's my idea of beautiful. Even in a "just okay" novel.

My creative streak is dwindling today. I think that perhaps during my flight yesterday evening, I must have scattered all of my wit from the plane, where it is now blowing through the trees somewhere around some farmland in northern Georgia. In this same farm field, an introverted cow is wondering why today, of all days, he seems to be the life of the party.

Sincerely,

Happy With Dogs

Conversation with my sister...

Have you ever closed your eyes and for a split second, you see something that doesn't make sense? Just a second ago, I closed my eyes to rub them ( which is horrible for wrinkles I hear, but it's something I do when I'm sleepy) and I saw the back of a girl's head. She had purple hair but not the usual purple. Instead, it was lavender. Odd. I wonder who she is. Am I supposed to know her? Is she a fairy?

Anyway...
I phoned my sister today as I am in the habit of doing when I'm traveling. (Have I mentioned that I travel every week for work? I do.) I wanted to ask her to come visit in October because I had a craving to see her and had only just realized that November 1st (which is when we will meet in Norman for a football game) is such a very long time away.
It was settled rather quickly. "I can't. "S" (her son) has games every Friday and I could miss one but I would be a bad Mom..."
And we moved past it with rapidity. It was a crazy long talk. It took me from Roswell to Buckhead to a DSW (because I forgot my heels in Memphis and have been working in flip flops although I decided once I was there that I couldn't fathom buying a $60 pair of heels when I have perfectly good shoes at home) and then out of DSW and to the property where I applied my make-up and threw my hair up in a neater version of my messy bun.
My point is:
It was supposed to be a 5 minute conversation and instead we covered everything. We covered my trip to LA and how she would love the "8oz Burger Bar" with the spare rib grilled cheese and fried olives. We discussed how I had a conversation with one of my best friends C regarding the fact that I may mention my ex boyfriend too often in conversations with my husband, and that even if it means nothing to me, it may mean something to him. (This can be another blog but for the record, my sister agreed with C...as do I, I suppose. I am rude and disrespectful and never even fathomed it because my husband is so amazingly awesome and just sits back and lets me talk.) We covered whether one can justify purchasing $150 sheets if, in fact, the sensation it provides is one comparable to napping on a bed of very short angel fur. (We decided that one cannot justify this even if one wishes to justify it.)
We discussed teenage drinking and what actually constitutes a drug dealer. We also pondered when to consider a 15 year old kid "bad news" and "not-worthy to hang out with your child" for his actions at Homecoming after-parties.
We covered the fact that she "does NOT" like California and how "I totally DO" and that there is "very little not to like."
We had conversations about Mom and Chinese Chicken Salads at Granite City Cafe.
We finished off the conversation with my assurances that my toenails were pretty and polished enough to enter a Buckhead property in flip-flops. (They were. Crimson nails to match my Oklahoma Sooner football team.)
It was a conversation that we have had many times a week, in that we typically talk for 40 minutes or more, and a conversation that we have never had in that the content changes with every passing day.
What remains the same is that I love my sister. I love it that I have someone to talk to who somehow is my biggest fan, even when I'm wrong. It's cliche, I know. But sometimes, when Johnny Raincloud settles in and I wonder where I am, who I am and if anyone has ever, EVER felt so alone...it's so nice to know that I'm not. And the best part of it is, there is very little that I could do to convince her to stop loving me back.

Sappy sappy...
Here's to sisters and best friends.

I am reading...

After You'd Gone...by Maggie O'Farrell. It's an older book. By older, I mean, "not current." As in, the copyright is 2000.
It's sad and I love it. A love story that I am enamored with even though it doesn't fit my usual standards for a love story.

I am halfway through. I'll keep ya updated.

I am also growing my hair out...

Stay tuned. I will have my husband take a picture of me when I wear it down again so we can monitor this mane together.
Oh yeah, I'm dyeing it brown in two weeks as well.

Yeah! Change!

For those of you nervous about having children...

Wouldn't it be fantastic if you could give birth to dogs? How great would this be?!
Imagine the element of excitement!

Conversation between friends:

"So, are you going to find out what you're having?"

"We did! We're having a dachsund! It's a boy!"

Imagine if you didn't find out:

Doctor to new pet owner:

"Congratulations! It's a Corgi!"

Pet mother to Pet Father:

"I had a feeling with your long torso and my short legs..."

And imagine the conversations between catty women regarding the pet pregancies of their friends:

"I totally knew she would have a great dane. Look at how BIG she is. Seriously."

Just think how much it would change EVERYTHING. So when you're fearful that if you DON'T have children you may never truly know the sheer joy of creating something with your loved one, you could! And your responsibility would still be that of a pet parent. (Note: I am very aware that the responsibilties of a pet parent are large. I am one. No, I did not give birth to one, but I did adopt two. I take my pet parenting very seriously. However, while I can leave Bill and Lily for a few hours with nothing but Animal Planet, I would not be able to leave my six year old and 2 year old children.)

Still planning on them (children)...yes, I am. I just get so nervous about it. Giving yourself over, even if it's willingly...doesn't it seem frightening? Maybe miraculous, but also scary?

For now, I do love my dogs. Even if I didn't give birth to them.

Songs Without Words: Ann Packer

Good. That's about it. It was good. To sum it up:
It is the story of a friendship between Liz,a suburbanite mother of two and her bohemian best friend Sarabeth. When Lauren, one of Liz's children commits a desperate act, it challenges the friendship that at one time would have helped them through said difficult time.
Like I said, it was good.
I identified with Lauren (the daughter who commits the tragic climax of the novel)...probably because I always identify with dark, masochistic, suicidal characters. However, Lauren, to me, was the only true exciting character in the novel.
Liz was sad and superior in a way...and sort of boring. Sarabeth was emotional and her actions were either troubled or supremely unrealistic. (This is my opinion...doesn't mean that you will feel this way)

But, I did read it all rather quickly. It was well-written. There was a line in the book that I found fantastic: "Sad but with toys."
If you read this book, you will understand how gorgeous and true this statement really is.

When all is said and done: Sort of blah, sort of pretty.
Worth the read? Depends on whether or not you find a pretty basic friendship and an even MORE BASIC plot, interesting.

Close to 5 miles of suckiness...

I knew immediately when I started off my run tonight that it wasn't going to be as exhilarating as last night. Not only did I not reach exhilaration, I was flat out tired. My calves hurt, my right shin, my right knee, etc...
But! I will say that my breathing has improved immensely!
I have decided to run a 5k on October 11th and a 10 miler in late November. I am going to go ahead and train for the Germantown half marathon on March 15th, 2009. We'll go from there...
I'll keep ya posted.